Hey, wasn’t Dark Souls fun? Past tense, of course, considering the last game can be considered the swan song for the critically acclaimed series.
But who can forget the frustration, the joyous relief, and all those freaky friends we met along the way!
Let’s lift the lid on some of the most butt-ugly monstrosities the franchise has famously produced in the last six years.
Wretches (Irithyll Dungeon)
Dark Souls 3 is a scary game. There’s plenty to hate lurking in the games dark corners, but nothing really compares to the grotesque quadrupedal prisoners in the Irithyll dungeon.
They’re big, pale, and famished, exposing bone and sinew. The worst part is their terribly humanoid faces, grafted onto their strictly non-human torso. Initially, they’re also non-hostile, clinging to a dimly lit wall.
It’s a ruthlessly engineered jumpscare, and decidedly adjacent from anything you’ve seen in your adventure so far. Screw these grumpy uncle looking rat dragons and (in fact) the whole dungeon.
Mushroom Dads (The Great Hollow/Darkroot Garden)
Mushrooms are generally controversial. Personally, I think they’re a great addition to a balanced diet, but to my action RPG? I’m not so sure.
With no features beyond a pair of dead eyes, these feral fungi have nothing to their character beyond a bunch of dirt. To the distant eye, you could even call them cute, especially the smaller boys. This changes immediately when you get close.
These guys are towering and tough, and if they get enough gusto to wind up a falcon punch, I don’t see you surviving. They’re scary because they feel so out of place. Like an Alice in Wonderland offshoot, their initial visage a trick designed to make you feel safe.
This is made infinitely worse by the fact that you’re having to deal with these pernicious parents as you’re descending the innards of a tree. When each fall could kill you, you don’t need any more problems, but this is Dark Souls.
Basilisks ( The Depths)
Any cursed undead worth his salt feels terror in their heart when they lay eyes upon these creepy critters.
Basilisks move erratically, in a manner that is meant to unsettle. Their huge bulbous eyes aren’t actually their sight holes either. If you’d like to zoom in on the image above (discretion advised) you can see the little guys real blinkers just next to his mouth.
If you’d like to zoom in on the image above (discretion advised) you can see the little guys real blinkers just next to his mouth. If they didn’t suck straight out the pen I guess I should let you know that these guys CURSE you if you try to tango.
That means immediate death and your health bar gets cut. It also sends you on a pilgrimage to find absolution from some guy who hangs out in a bell tower. Guarded by Gargoyles. Gee thanks you big reptilian jerks.
Forest Goblins (Shaded Woods)
These guys look like they stink. I mean, their club has a green, nasty looking haze.
Like if David Lynch managed to grab the Shrek IP, these swamp dwellers are marginally humanoid and out for blood.
In a slightly sad way, it looks like they were once human, and have been transformed by whatever is in that nasty gut of theirs. It seems to have bestowed them with jaundice, slack jaw and tampered with their IQ.
Watch out for their strength in numbers, with the tight alleys of the Shaded Woods designed perfectly to trap you and cause your doom.
Some of the goblins even opt for bare fists. A bold approach to combat in a world of weapons, but I guess that’s just how these dumb grunts are wired.
Mimics (Just about Everywhere)
Last but certainly not least we have the much-hated entity of Avarice. Mimics are greed manifest, and they live inside treasure chests. Chests that you, chosen undead, must open if you want to find better equipment.
This excellent fear dichotomy Mimics create only exists after you’ve found your first one. I remember it like it was yesterday. Anor Londo, the wind in my hair, the giant tongue swallowing me like I’m a Taquito.
For some reason, the designers thought it would be cool to make Mimics have arms, legs, huge claws and a tongue. Treasure Chests that eat you weren’t scary enough, so now the big dudes walk and talk, giggling as you scream in terror. Yikes.